I never thought most of my conversations with my kids would revolve around bodily functions, hands in inappropriate places, or questionable items in mouths.
Here is a list of things I’ve told my kids at least once:
- Why are you eating shoes?
- Stop smothering your brother.
- What do you mean there’s corn in your bum?
- Yes, you’re right. You DO have corn in your bum.
- The dog is not for licking.
- Stop playing with your balls! (Ironically, said to my daughter who wouldn’t stop playing with her toys at dinner time.)
- Just let me pull up my pants first.
- Your brother’s arm doesn’t bend that way.
- No, I can’t uncut your sandwich.
- How do you know it’s yucky? You’ve never tried it.
- Why is the couch wet?
- Your fork is not a musical instrument. Or a magic wand. Or a hairbrush.
- Would you just keep your bum on your chair?
- What are you doing to your brother?
- Why are you out of your bed? (Again.)
- My nipples are not for biting.
- What are you doing? Stop doing that! What are you doing!? STOP! You’re still doing it!
- It’s a good thing I love you.
- You need to actually move the toothbrush, not just suck on it.
- Sorry honey, I have no idea where that (loud obnoxious) toy went. (Try the garbage can. Last week.)
- What are you eating? Did you find that on the floor? (Nevermind, I don’t want to know.)
- Just get dressed!
- Get your hands out of your pants.
- Why is your hair sticky?
- Yes, I’m pooping.
Do you have any of your own parenting gems to share?